Today I cleaned my house and I am feeling better for it. Sometimes a good house cleaning is what you need to get out of a rut. Now when I go to my room I can not see my husbands clothes strung around the room like it was his own personal closet and the floor looks clean and shiny! Looking forward to sleeping in  clean sheets too!

All this nausea is causing me not to work out. It is hard for me to want to work out with the looming threat of vomit. I think I will try tomorrow but between the nausea and the tender breasts I am not likely going to be doing much working out as much as running to the bathroom. But exercise is what often clears my head so I need to go soon or my head will explode... Figuratively of course...

I am in a dark mood right now. I have been nauseous for the past few days and although I haven't thrown up I still am feeling like it is not worth it.  The thought of abortion came into my mind this morning to make this feeling of uneasiness go away. I don't think if I was in a good mood this would ever happen. While I was thinking it was like my mind was disjointed and there were like these symbols coming to mind to try to explain to me the reason for these thoughts. 

I am eating like a pig lately. My workout partner called me on it today when I ate two platefuls of deluxe nachos, and two bowls of apple slices. It is not that I am eating super bad, just a lot. I am always hungry and tired. I think that seems to sum up all those pregnant. Hungry and tired. 

Work this weekend was very calm which made it less stressful. Some weekends, particularly around the full moon ironically, are awful and there is chaos for hours on end. But this weekend only had minor upsets that were taken care of swiftly and effectively. Maybe I am just getting good at my job.

Looking forward to three days off. I know, I get three days off a week so why am I so tired? Wish I could tell you, but I guess I am just pregnant.

Exhausted. Feel like vomiting. I sleep all day (slept 6 hours today during the day) and still feel exhausted. I try to work out the way I did before I was pregnant but I can't. Only every second day because I just don't have the energy right now. How can one little alien take so much energy?

On a positive note it only took two days to get back into the swing of things after the week of house hunting. Two days of being depressed and sitting on the couch doing next to nothing for hours at a time. I got some small work completed, like applying for jobs, but nothing near what I wanted to, but I did get out of the slump in two days. That is really good for me.

Working a back shift tonight, 12 hours. I haven't been up for 12 hours straight for over a week because I have been so exhausted and taking naps for the 'baby'. Trying my best to keep awake. Trying my best to do my job, which is often going above and beyond what others do. Not doing too bad today. I can do it!

So last night I had a super anger attack. I was screaming ranting and raving like a lunatic and thrashing like a two year old having a temper tantrum. I went crazy and felt this kind of anger that I just couldn't hold back. John and I were in bed and I just started yelling and he couldn't stop laughing. I told him he wasn't being supportive and he apologized but said he couldn't help it, it was funny. I guess that makes sense because I am never that angry.  

After he started scratching my back I was able to calm down. It was a half hour though of this overwhelming anger. Anyone else get that? 

I have also noticed that I am having more anxiety attacks, at least one a day. Now this was during my time I was in Ottawa house hunting, which is to say the least very stressful so it may have just been those circumstances. But the anxiety that happens does not feel like it is related to my surroundings but just comes out of my head because I try to think about it and I get nowhere. My head is blank but filled with anxiety. I hope these are circumstantial and not a full time thing because working becomes very hard when I am having anxiety attacks everyday and working is what keeps me sane.