I am in a dark mood right now. I have been nauseous for the past few days and although I haven't thrown up I still am feeling like it is not worth it. The thought of abortion came into my mind this morning to make this feeling of uneasiness go away. I don't think if I was in a good mood this would ever happen. While I was thinking it was like my mind was disjointed and there were like these symbols coming to mind to try to explain to me the reason for these thoughts.
I just don't want to be here if I feel like this. I am sleeping most of the day, I am unable to motivate myself to go to the gym and although what I am eating is healthy, it doesn't feel like it to my body. I had a bad thing happen at work and someone tried to commit suicide in the building. I wasn't there or had to deal with any of it so I don't know if it is affecting me but maybe this is what brought on this mood.
But if I am this moody, should I have a baby? I mean I don't think it would be fair to the baby to come into this world to a mom who doesn't feel like she can take care of it or even want it some days. I am so unstable and I know from my education this is the worst thing for a baby. A baby needs consistency and routine and love and right now I don't think I can do it. I do not want to be a failure for a mother but right now I feel that is what I am going to be.
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