Since I wrote last I have been doing a lot to make myself feel less 'purposeless'. I have done a mural on the wall of my bedroom today with the help of my father in law. My vegetables are doing great and I am watering them regularly, although it rained today and it wasn't necessary. John and I cleaned the house thoroughly this weekend and it looks great and feels great! My sewing room/baby room is clean so I am really happy about that. I will likely make some baby booties tomorrow and work on some resumes. Still am jobless but I am trying to remain positive. I put my reading skills to use today and found the best deals for food for groceries and planned a menu for it. At the grocery store I saw a women who was buying food for the ladies she worked for who have intellectual disabilities (she said mentally challenged but obviously she has her political correctness wrong). It reminded me of doing grocery's for both my past jobs. And I was glad I was not doing them.
All my fish died. I kind of had a hard time feeling like a good potential mother after killing all of my fish in under two weeks. These are lucky fish too so my life luck is gone. John said it is not indicative of my overall motherly capabilities, but I still feel it is not a good omen. I hope they were sick before I got them. It would make me feel less like I suck at having fish. On a bright side my dogs are still alive. I haven't killed them yet (knock on wood).
I was contemplating the idea of being a stay at home Mom today. It was something that hasn't actually crossed my mind as of yet because I was so focused on finding something with a purpose. But my doctor said that his wife, who is just getting back to work, first thought that she wanted to return to work two weeks after the baby was born but ended up staying the whole year because it was like having a full time job and full of purpose. I guess I should consider it because as John says, if I don't make a lot of money it won't be worth it to send our child to daycare with the cost of daycare here in Ontario. We would be better off if I stayed home.
Trying to take this concept in without becoming depressed and purposeless. My purpose may be my kids for a while. I can
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