Had a rather difficult last two days. John went back to work yesterday and as was expected I had a difficult day. I was planning on doing good things and I started the day with a five kilometre walk with my dogs. Then I made a doctors appointment and I planned on going to the gym, but the timing was off. I had to wait two hours until my gym class started so I went to lay down for a 'few minutes'. Well, needless to say my depression got the best of me and when I woke up it was noon. Then I came and sat on the couch and did nothing on the computer long enough that I forgot my doctors appointment.
However, after I watched a movie and felt stupid I got my lazy bum up off the couch and tidied the house, made supper for when John arrived home and began to organize my sewing room. I wanted it to look like I was not just being a bump on a log. Of course John was not angry at all, but more concerned about me as I was not in the best of spirits. Sometimes I don't feel I deserve this man. I even had an anxiety attack in the evening because I wanted a smoothie so he ran me out to the store, 15 minutes before closing to make sure I had what I needed. What a guy...
I was trying to figure out what put me in this mood and all I came up with was that I don't presently feel like I have a purpose. I am a very driven person who needs a purpose and right now, without a job, I don't feel like I have one. John says that my purpose right now is to make a baby by staying healthy both mind and body. I wish that was enough for me. I wish staying home was more fun for me too! I mean, I have so many hobbies I could be doing; sewing baby outfits, painting the children's furniture we took from someone's garbage, cleaning the house, making clothes for me that will fit this summer... But all I can manage to do right now is write this. This will be the accomplishment for the morning (along with shopping... I had a craving for fake potatoes.Pregnancy is weird).
Granted today didn't start off on a good foot like yesterday. I had some morning sickness that filled my plate, table and subsequently lead a trail to the bathroom all because we didn't have apple juice so I substituted with a more acidic option, which my stomach did not enjoy. Then I felt nauseous until I am now shovelling in the fake potatoes as I write this. As a side note, toilets in public restrooms need to have strong flush mechanisms. I had to take a number two in the 'Metro' today and as a result of the lack of 'umph' with the toilet, my floating brown mass would not flush despite numerous attempts. Sorry whoever went into that restroom next, but I tried.
As I sit here my dogs look peaceful as then nap on the coach and I think I will join them. I gave them a bath earlier so they smell fresh and I might just cuddle with them to help remove some of my negativity. Merlin would like that I suppose. Sorry this post couldn't be m
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